I realized the other day that I might have a problem with cruising when someone called me an “aquaholic.” (In this case, it may have been a case of “pot-kettle.”) This is a great term for someone addicted to cruising, and a domain squatter thinks so, as well, since the Internet domain could be mine for only a hundred and fifty grand.
Luckily, I’ve had cruiseaholics.com registered for years, and it points here, so I’ll just use that term, instead.
I didn’t really take offense at either term, because they’re humorous (and they’re true.)
I was trying to develop a twelve step program to break yourself of cruising, but I realized that nobody afflicted would be interested. So, I decided to just document the warning signs. My wife, Virginia, helped, by suggesting some and living the others.
The first warning sign is that you understand any of this list, so tread carefully.
For Norwegian Cruise Line, your cruise consultant at the cruise line (as opposed to an independent travel agent) is called a Personal Cruise Consultant – your PCC. Passengers of other lines just change PCC in this list to your term of choice.
With that, the warning signs:
- You’ve actually read the Cruise Contract and Terms & Conditions.
- You can quote the Cruise Contract and Terms & Conditions.
- You have quoted the Cruise Contract and Terms & Conditions to some idiot online who is slagging your cruise line of choice.
- Your PCC is on your cell phone’s Favorites list. (This was an old joke I had about my wife’s phone – Virginia’s speed dial list was all our veterinarians, all her siblings, our PCC and then me. See next item, as this is no longer just a joke.)
- When you’re staying in Miami the night before a cruise, you decide you want to visit Scarpetta, a lovely restaurant by Scott Conant, a chef you have seen on Food Network. (This seems normal, although you may watch Food Network too much.) Three weeks before the cruise, you decide to invite your PCC to dinner, as well. This is borderline. He accepts. Now we’re getting into dangerous territory. You tell him at the end of a lovely meal to mention to your friends (some of his other Cruiseaholic customers) that the restaurant you took him to was better than the one they took him to. This is a definite sign. For the record, Virginia took out her phone at dinner, and her favorite list is me, her sisters and our PCC. I’m pretty sure she edited the list to lower him before she showed it.
- You realize you should invite your PCC to dinner because on your previous cruise, you had dinner with him and his parents.
- You have three cruises booked and you’re still trying to decide where to go “next.”
- You change cabin preferences based on the ship.
- You know it’s a “cabin”, not a “room.”
- You know it’s a “ship”, not a “boat.”
- You spend an hour with GPS, the navigation channel and weather reports, trying to determine why the seas are rougher than usual. (We’re on the Norwegian Bliss currently – a ship we sailed last August in Alaska. This is a rough trip – not bad, just a bit rough. So, I started making some notes. Our cabin is forward, not aft. We’re on a different deck. We’re on a Caribbean cruise, not Alaskan. We’re not actually in the Caribbean, we’re in the Atlantic. We have a stiff headwind. It’s rainy weather.)
- You enjoy the “new ship” smell, and can say so without giggling.
- You know what a Meet & Greet is.
- You’ve attended a Meet & Greet on more than two ships.
- You know Norwegian’s Meet & Greets are better than Carnival’s.
- You’ve organized a Meet & Greet.
- The Hotel Director recognized you at the Meet & Greet.
- You’re invited to the Captain’s Private Reception and you don’t go, because you had dinner reservations and because you met him last time, anyway.
- You know what ships your favorite crew are on.
- You know what ships your favorite crew are on because you’re friends with them on Facebook.
- You tell one Cruise Director you know his friend, another Cruise Director, and you can discuss his startup business at home.
- You’re afraid to visit the Philippines because you’re afraid you’ll be treated as a god.
- You’ve considered moving to Miami to save on airfare.
- You laughed at anything on this list.