O’Dark-Thirty: Ships should embark weekly at 11pm so we could get in at a reasonable hour. I feel for the people out partying last night. I was doing homework, and I’m whipped.
One loose end from yesterday: our dessert from the Butcher’s Cut was delivered. Well, mine was. Room Service didn’t have Virginia’s ice cream. When they called to explain, she ordered water and Coke Zero instead. The drinks were delivered with apologies for not having the ice cream. I think the drinks were comp’ed, because I didn’t sign anything.
7:00am: Last view from the balcony.

7:30am: Last moment of panic when I can’t find my key, just to remember that if I’m not in the dark, my key is in the slot by the door.
Virginia just explained the concepts of cruising ducks to the room steward who didn’t grasp a Sharps container. I fear for our duck in the safe.
7:40am: We’re being held up by the number of self-walk off passengers. This is better than “the ship has not been cleared” but not as good as, “we’re delayed, so the Swedish Bikini team is bringing everyone coffee.”
Did I mention I missed coffee in the room?
7:48am: First color called. We’re fourth, I think.

7:58am-ish Group called. One more trek across the Seaside. Only a couple of “meant to do that” moments. I will miss the ship.
8:25am: Met Luggage Forward porter. If we never see the bags again, it’s because Virginia didn’t tip him.
8:28am: In the Uber, heading to FLL. MSC terminal has retina scan recognition so one stop, no passports. Customs is declarations only, no forms to fill out.
8:35am: Traffic jam. Did not miss traffic. This will make disembarking look even faster.
9:02am Exiting for the airport. So, for whomever will ask on Cruise Critic this week, no, you probably can’t make a 9am flight from Ft Lauderdale.
9:10am Check-in for flight.
9:25am: American won’t check bags until four hours before a flight at FLL. Yet another reason to fly Southwest whenever possible.
10:25am: Bored, bored, bored. In an hour, we can check our bags. That’s the only thing keeping me alive at this point.
11:20am: Still bored but ten minutes to go. Then, security. I never thought something would make me look forward to being able to go through security.
1:30pm: Have almost memorized which stations have working plugs or working USB plugs or both or neither. Yes, I am bored. Also, old people talk loudly and repetitively, so you don’t need to be that close to get a status.
Inbound plane should be here in about an hour. Please, Lord.
There are a crap ton of people at the gate for a flight that doesn’t leave for two hours.
2:00pm: Lunch time. Unfortunately, FLL Terminal 3 is a wasteland. We may be eating at the bar. Seriously, people in airports are in a hurry. Why are airports being clogged with low-quality, slow-service, expensive restaurants? Can’t we just have a McDonald’s or Burger King which isn’t the best, but it’s fast and consistent?
2:10pm: Case in point – Jack Nicklaus’ namesake restaurant. Potential customer asked if they have food to go. Greeter said “No, but if you sit at a table and order, you can ask for a to go box.” They left. $13 for a club sandwich. We’ll see how long it takes to get. Lobster nachos as a starter. I would only order lobster in an airport restaurant as my last meal, because it would kill me before the executioner could. At least, they have iced tea. I should have ordered an Arnold Palmer, just to see what they would do.

Sandwiches arrived almost immediately. I hope they were microwaved long enough.

$37 for lunch, and you feel obligated to tip because it was table service. It wasn’t bad, but, Lord, it wasn’t good. Airplane food is starting to look reasonable.
3:08pm: On the plane.
3:50pm: Climbing, on the way home.
4:00pm: Just found out on Facebook that one of our pirate ducks is retiring to England. It looks like that particular duck was found three times in two days, because the other finders rehid him. Most are still unaccounted. Waiting for news.
5:15pm: Preparation for landing. iPad stowed? Check. Tray table up? Check. Seat back up? Check. Seat belt fastened? Check. Now, I need to pee? Check.
5:20pm: Ears popped. I never had this problem at sea level.
5:30pm: On the ground. I need a cruise.
5:40pm: Stuck in the DFW penalty box, waiting for our gate to open up. You know, I have never heard a ship’s Captain say, “Uh, there’s somebody at our dock, so we’re just going to anchor out here in the bay until they can push back and get out of our way. Shouldn’t be more than about ten minutes.”
There are no airlines but American at this terminal. Why does this happen so often? Do they not read their own timetable?
I need a cruise.
5:50pm: Moved to a new gate. Yea! Gate has no crew. Boo!
I need a cruise.
6:00pm: Some times, after a week’s cruise and a flight home, you’re given a sign that you’re just a rookie traveler. As in, the men’s room by A16 baggage claim.
The trip is done.

9:15am: Leisurely morning, because it’s a port day, but we don’t get into port until noon. This is my kind of port day.

Received an email from one of our ducks, so that’s a couple that have been found. One had his photo posted on Facebook – the one I think was found, hidden again and found again in about four hours.
Today is the day I really miss having a coffee pot in the room. I may have to see if there is any cold caffeine in the minibar – which would imply someone actually restocked it.
9:30am Actively avoiding my homework at this point. We received luggage tags in our room last night. As Black Card members, we have priority disembarkation tomorrow at 7:45am. That is not my idea of priority. I have to go tell the Luggage Forward people when to meet us outside customs to collect our larger suitcases and start the shipment home.
10:00am Called Room Service and asked for a pot of coffee and a couple of cinnamon rolls.
10:06am Six minutes! Coffee is here. This is a world record for room service. I received a pot of coffee, two coffee cups, five croissants, two chocolate croissants, three cinnamon rolls, cream, sugar, butter and jam. Jackpot! Apparently, the problem all along has been Virginia’s weird-ass food orders.

11:30am-ish We are docked in Nassau. Our excursion doesn’t meet until 12:10pm. MSC excursions seem to meet after all the “must be first off” lunatics have fled the ship.
11:45am Done with half of my homework (the easy half.) Always have three hours on the plane tomorrow to finish.
12:10pm Apparently picked the most popular excursion in the history of Nassau. In a long, long line. Saw a woman put her excursion sticker between her boobs. Uh, White Trash? That is not a temporary tattoo.
1:00pm-ish Made it to Blue Lagoon Island. Paid extra for a clamshell for some shade, since the “natural” coconut trees had fairly pathetic leaves. We also rented snorkel gear, which requires a refundable deposit, but then you have to leave time for the refund transaction.
Claimed a clamshell while Virginia visited the little girls’ room. Was asked twice if I had rented the clamshell already. Much like Muster Drill, saying “Yes” was enough.
Managed to get some snorkeling time. Fish are very close in.
Got two of our six Bahama Mamas and the alcohol almost killed Virginia. Amateur. They are made with light rum, which as we learned from Bacardi rum class can taste more like alcohol than darker rum. Also, someone probably complained about watery drinks, so there be some rum in this, arrr!
After she poured hers out (travesty!), we returned the snorkel gear to get our deposit back and tried another bar. Virginia was still horrified, I thought it was tasty. She switched to fruit punch.

5:30pm-ish Back from the excursion. Greeted by a filthy room because I managed to leave the Do Not Disturb sign on. Apparently, it really is sacred, even though I’m pretty sure Marc the room steward saw us leave. So, I asked for some extra towels and we’ll let him deal with it while we’re at dinner.
7:00pm Called Specialty Reservations to move our dinner at the Butcher’s Cut, and was told, “No problem.” So, thinking it is a bit pricey down there. We’ll get there when we can, but we have to be done in time to get to Starwalker at 9:45pm. How else to finish a cruise than with a Michael Jackson tribute?
7:45pm Just remembered I have a $70 voucher for the casino. Cash it or lose it before we get 12 miles from Miami.
8:00pm 2 bags packed. Luggage tags done. You have to put a matching tag sticker on your cabin key. I’m thinking this is so the crew can recognize who overpacked. Virginia’s key is now difficult to read.
Both showered. 95% dressed. Hoping to make it to dinner less than an hour late.
Missing first of many pirate activities this evening. Pirate Night seems to be more serious than some of the other themed evenings.
8:15pm Dinner at the Butcher’s Cut. Meal plans get one app, one main, one side, one dessert. If you don’t like the choices available, you can swap for anything equivalent on the main menu for 50% off. (They also remind you that you can purchase anything you like for full price.)
The steaks on the meal plan are an 8oz filet, a sirloin or lamb chops. We upgraded to a Tomahawk for two ($98 list, $49 on the meal plan – I think.)

On our second bottle of water, so the steak may end up looking cheap. It did. I had a gin and tonic, upgraded to Oysters Rockefeller for an appetizer and Virginia had hot tea. The money I couldn’t figure out was the water bill.
9:30pm Checking out quickly before our show reservations are cancelled. Matre’d offered to have our desserts delivered to our room since we ran out. That could be interesting, since Virginia had ice cream.
9:40pm Watching people jockey for seats. It’s getting ugly.
9:45pm Good show. The issue with Michael Jackson’s songs is that the videos are iconic, as well, so adding or replacing items doesn’t jibe.
10:20pm Cashed in our casino “winnings.” Marc will be getting a tip after all.
10:25pm Hid the last two ducks. One was immediately found.
10:40pm Not the time to look at photos. Not that there is ever a good time …
Random Thoughts: I miss iced tea. No cruise line includes sodas, but most include water, tea and coffee. MSC has iced tea in the buffet out of a machine – which means it’s diluted mix and it is vile. I miss decent iced tea for free everywhere on the ship.

7:00am Waiting for our breakfast delivery. I did the form last night instead of Virginia, so the question is – will we get another breakfast tower or not?
It’s gorgeous outside – it’s a shame it’s so damn early. The Behind the Scenes tour is 90 minutes away.

Just checked the WiFi because photos aren’t uploading. Except for a couple of hiccups like this, the WiFi has been solid all over the ship – and it hasn’t disconnected at random times. The only issue is that you can’t force a device offline from another device (which Norwegian lets you do.) So, if you leave your iPad online in the cabin, there’s no way to get your phone online until you go back to the cabin, get the iPad and logout.
You also can’t charge devices while you’re away, because the room requires a room key to turn on the power. I haven’t tried using my hotel key which was an old trick on Norwegian until they started enforcing “no bodies, no power” in the rooms.
7:30am Breakfast has arrived and a much shorter tower than yesterday. I am now in charge of ordering breakfast.

Just remembered I have homework due this week. What day is this?
8:00am Slamming down breakfast. Meeting point for the excursion is the theater, so that’s one place we’ve been before. However, it’s four decks down and that means the dreaded elevators. As slowly as Christmas came when you were a child, as slowly as five o’clock comes when you’re an adult, as slowly as Virginia gets ready in the morning, nothing is as slow as the elevators on this ship. Add in the staggering number of people who do not know “down” from “up”, and you are almost guaranteed to be late for everything.
8:20am Signed in. Waived. I don’t remember signing waivers before. Tagged. First question will be “Can you show me where coffee is made and can I have a large sample?” Second question will be “Why is the casino closed when were in the middle of the ocean?”

Seeing a lot of open-toed shoes down here. Waiting to see if there’s a shoe check. (Norwegian sent a woman back to her cabin to change shoes once.)
11:30am Tour wrapping up. With a glass of wine and snacks. It was a very comprehensive tour – I’ll add notes later.
Visited on the tour:

• The stage, dressing rooms and sound control booth in the theater
• The Yacht Club (marketing genius!)
• The crew bar
• The red and white wine cellars
• The drink cellar
• The galley storeroom
• The laundry
• The crew & passengers laundry
• The print shop
• The main galleys
• Wine and snacks to end

We were each given a backpack at the end of the tour.
We’ve been on other Behind the Scenes tours, and this felt more detailed than others. It also cost less. We’ve never been allowed in the “private” crew area before. We’ve never heard the print shop mentioned although other ships must have one – that’s where the Daily Planner is created.
It’s interesting that there are two laundries, basically one for linens (towels, sheets, tablecloths, napkins) and one for clothes – staff and officers uniforms and guest laundry items. We saw the infamous machine that puts the semi-permanent tags on your clothes when you send them out. The crew can do their own laundry or some just pay other crew members to do it for them.
Only an Italian (or perhaps French) cruise ship would have separate wine cellars to keep red and white wines at serving temperature.
The genius portion of the tour was visiting the Yacht Club. I now wonder why Norwegian doesn’t think to show the Haven. “Here’s the private bar. Here’s the private pool. Here’s the restaurant – there’s no set times, just eat when you want. Here’s the concierge who solves all your problems.” Seriously? Look at all the room up here. Look at all the services. Why am I in the cheap seats? Brilliant marketing.
MSC crew doesn’t call the main corridor “I-95” like on other cruise lines. It’s the “corridor.”
12:15pm Lunch at the Seashore restaurant. This is our first non-buffet lunch. Another relatively small menu.
12:30pm Captain’s announcement – the first I’ve heard. Well, didn’t hear because it’s noisy in the restaurant and nobody else seems to care what the Captain has to say. The beginning was navigation information which very few of us care about so it generally gets drowned out.
1:00pm Photo Gallery. What exactly is in the package Virginia purchased?
2:00pm Cappuccino at the Seashore Bar. First drink at a bar all week that wasn’t comp’ed – and there’s no booze in it. (Virginia tells me before every cruise that she wants to spend some evenings at a bar listening to music and it never, ever happens. We will watch inane game shows. We will see shows. We will go to the buffet. We will have snacks at the 24-hour restaurant. We will never listen to music.)
2::45pm Naps and homework. I’m not napping.

Crack of Dawn: It’s another early excursion.
7:00am Breakfast arrived – our second attempt at American breakfast. Thinking someone extrapolated three orders of bacon (Virginia meant “extra bacon”) into three orders of everything. This is a lot of eggs. I will just call it the “Breakfast Tower.”

When you order “bread”, you get bread and not toast. When you ask for it to be toasted, you get bread. We did get jelly and butter this morning.
I have coffee, so I’m happy. It really is nice coffee.
They take the order form away after you sign it, so I can’t verify everything, but Virginia had bacon and eggs, and I have coffee, so I don’t care.

Morning in St Maarten.
We have our first trip to Maho Beach today, the beach where you go to see airplanes and not sand. We’ve been to St Maarten before, just never there.
7:55am Slamming down breakfast so we can head out. I thought I should post this for all the ladies desperately waiting for a photo of me in my Speedos.

You’re welcome.
8:35am Checked in for the excursion. No ponchos issued. Good weather ahead!
8:40am Excursion called. Right on time again. Wondering about the people who think MSC is inefficient.

(They did spell “St Maarten” incorrectly, but they knew one of the vowels was doubled.)
9:00am Survived the parking lot march. Driver saved the front seats for us. Sometimes, crying works. As the bus pulled out of the parking lot, an ambulance (with lights and siren blazing) was pulling in. I hope they weren’t coming for us.
9:20am Entering St Martin. Second country in one day. Time to switch from Dutch Gin to French wine.
9:30am Orient Bay Beach. Still rebuilding from the hurricane. Only two bars open. The tour doesn’t even stop. Very sad.

9:45am Driving through Grand Case. Rebuilding. Hurricane Irma was a bitch.
10:15am Marigot. Half-hour stop. Multiply souvenir total charges by two to get dollars spent per hour.
Virginia found the jewelry maker she couldn’t buy something from in 2015 because she ran out of cash. Same vendor, same location, same handmade jewelry – some still hand-colored by his girlfriend (not sure if she’s the same girlfriend.) So, something survived the hurricane.
Hurricane Irma is still the star of the tour, which is tragic. For islands that get almost all their supplies by air or ship, it takes a long, long time to rebuild, especially when most of the money is from tourists who don’t pay to see devastation. It’s not as bad as I feared, but it’s not as good as I had hoped.
11:15am Maho Beach. Plane landed as we were trying to park. Don’t think they have the same guarantee as Alaska whale watching.
Plane-watching at Maho Beach is like deep-sea fishing on other islands – you go when the tour times are, not when the planes actually arrive. So, Jet Blue arrived while we were a couple of miles away (but we saw it) and a commuter plane landed while we were in the traffic jam for the parking lot.
The beach is packed. We found two seats at a bar. All we had was plastic, but if the charge was over $20, they’d take it. Luckily, their signature drinks are $13 each.

YouTube has invented an entire generation that thinks an iPhone is the best possible way to capture anything and if it’s on a stick, you’re a serious photographer.
I’m pretty sure some of the people in the water are just trying to get other people out of their shot.
12:15pm Carousel Gelato Factory. Why wouldn’t a French-Dutch island have an Italian gelato factory? The Stratcietella was molto bene. Our driver told someone there’s one more photo stop and we’re heading back to the ship. (We sail at 2pm.)
12:30pm One last overlook of the Dutch side. Can’t see the ship. Hmm. Hope it’s further down the road.
Virginia just showed me her photo of what’s in a Jet Fuel. Glad I am not driving the bus. Wondering why I’m not asleep.
1:05pm The ship is still at the dock. Whew. So is the Allure of the Seas. That’s a lot of tourists.
1:45pm Back in the cabin.
2:00pm As suggested by a couple we met at the Meet & Greet, Virginia now has a redneck Sharps container.

2:30pm Finally saw our next door neighbors in the buffet this afternoon, just after I mentioned to Virginia that I hadn’t seen them on their balcony since the first afternoon during sail away when they were wearing matching “God is Good” t-shirts and Virginia decided to tell them about the bimbos on the Norwegian Bliss that had flashed a Coast Guard boat escorting us out of the harbor. Their response was muted “Tsk, tsk, the things people do”, but I figured the rest of the cruise, they’ve been down in the Chapel, praying for her immortal soul. So, I was glad to see them eating at last. Virginia is either saved or a lost cause.
5:00pm Attended our first MSC Voyagers Club party. Since we status-matched from Norwegian Platinum Plus, we are Black Card members (soon to be called Diamond members.) They are changing the name because “diamond” reflects all the values provided. It will also prevent angry people of all races and colors from yelling, “I’m Black, dammit!” at the crew.
The last couple of Platinum Plus parties in Norwegian were hosted by the Future Cruise team and were basically sales calls (with free drinks) but the MSC party invitation came from the cruise director and the Captain mentioned we’d have drinks again when he found out our status at the Meet & Greet, so I have higher hopes.
The Captain came by and said, “Hello.” He asked if we were on a back-to-back since he recognized us. He told the couple we were sitting with (Norwegian cruisers and in the Yacht Club this week) he would see them at the Voyagers Club party tomorrow. There’s another one?
Interesting to watch the senior staff all toast and sip with the Captain and then immediately have their glasses collected. Meanwhile, I had three sips of my red wine and was asked if I wanted another.
So, hearing the Captain speak about new ships and the new terminal is much more interesting than hearing a salesperson talk about cruises.
I had another Aperol Spritz after the red wine. I’m hoping we will see the vat of Aperol Spritz on the Behind the Scenes tour in the morning.
Also, the Captain was talking with other guests when we left. The last time I spent that much social time with a Norwegian Captain, I had paid to have him perform our renewal vows.
I have always said there are Captains who are ambassadors of the line and there are Captains who drive the ship. This is an ambassador – even if nobody ever introduces the rest of the senior staff.
6:00pm Had our photos taken on the Bridge of Sighs. This is a romantic bridge across the two towers of the ship. You can look down though the Bridge of Sighs ten decks or so. For Virginia, it is the Bridge of Screams. Mainly screaming, “Don’t look down!”
6:45pm More photos. I hate photos. Virginia has bad legs and a bad back, but she can stand for hours for photos that I can guarantee we will never buy. Ship photographers do the same poses regardless of the subject, so there are some standard poses I know one or both of us will veto. But, boy, can she stand a long time!
6:55pm (or so) Stopped by the photo counter to move the photos in my account to Virginia’s, since she has the unlimited package. Others have said this was very painful and this went easily, so I’m doubtful.
7:05pm Found the funny photographer. He’s the one who shot photos at the Black Card party, He thought our standard “choking” photo concept was funny.
7:30pm Dinner at Ocean Cay, the final specialty restaurant on the ship. Ocean Cay is also the name of one of the decks of the Seaside and the name of MSC’s new private island. Marketing needs to work a bit harder on the naming. We met a woman the other night who was extremely confused because Ocean Cay wasn’t on the Ocean Cay deck. Wait until she finds out Ocean Cay isn’t on Ocean Cay, the island, either.
This is a very small menu and if you are on the dinner package, even more so, because a number of dishes are excluded.
Crab cakes were excellent. The fancy pasta with a name Virginia didn’t recognize was basically linguine and clam sauce and I would order it again.
We both finished with pistachio ice cream. I’m afraid Virginia is going to try to smuggle some home in our suitcases.
9:45pm Tonight’s show is Fly. We missed getting to the theater in time for the XL seats. The MSC theater has comfy seats, but there are a couple on each side and in the front row that are seats and a half. So, if you feel squeezed in a regular seat, find those.
10:45pm Had almost enough luck in the casino to counter Virginia’s lack of it. Almost. The fun part of penny slots is hitting a 500 point win and seeing the lights and hearing the bells go off. The sad part is realizing it’s five bucks.
We found our invitation to the Welcome Back reception in the room. It’s tomorrow night, which means formal attire – it’s the second formal night of the cruise. See earlier tirade on the stupidity of formal night.
Random Notes: This was one of our shortest port calls ever. Because we’re calling on Nassau on Friday instead of just taking two full sea days to get back to Miami, we were in port in St Maarten from 7am until 2pm. Then, we head to Nassau, 940 nautical miles away – over nine times the distance from St Thomas to St Maarten. Probably not a good day to roll your own excursion.
The excursion we took was visiting ten points around the island and it was illuminating, depressing and hopeful all at the same time. The damage from Hurricane Irma was presented very matter of fact, not asking for help or sympathy, just the fact that hurricanes happen and damages result. We learned that September 5, 1995, Hurricane Luis hit St Martin as a Cat 5 storm. Twenty-two years and a day later, Irma hit. There is still damage from Luis. That’s how bad hurricanes can be in a relatively poor country that depends on tourism for most of their income.
We missed port calls on our Christmas cruise at St Thomas and St Maarten (among others) in 2017 because of Hurricanes Irma and Maria. There were people on Cruise Critic and Facebook bitching that their itineraries were changed because of the hurricanes. That was a trivial issue compared to what the islanders dealt with – and are still dealing with today.
Ironically, the best way to help is to visit. They need tourism. Sure, there are still some broken areas, but the islands are open for business. Take a cruise, take a plane, then take a tour and buy some rum. Buy a native a cocktail. Buy hand-crafted souvenirs. Eat in the restaurants, drink in the bars, sleep in the hotels. It’s certainly the most painless way to help your fellow man.
On my bitching about having to take photos every evening, I have been reminded that someone in my party who is not I bought the unlimited photo package so we get digital downloads of all the photos that are taken of us. This of course means we should take lots and lots of photos because otherwise the six that don’t suck are really expensive. It’s much better to have dozens of photos you’ll never show anyone, ever, because the cost per photo is lower.
We need to take lots and lots of photos because the photo situation is radically different than other lines. There is no photographer wandering in the restaurants every evening. (This is not a bad thing.) There are no photographers at the bottom of the gangway as you leave for excursions – this may be because excursion groups are formed onboard and then lead outside to the luxury coaches buses. The only way you seem to have your photo taken is to seek out a photographer or attend a party.
Someone in our party (not I) assumed MSC Cruises interrupted all your dinners and harassed you as you left the ship, and all those photos would be in the unlimited photo package. Oops.
I mentioned yesterday that our Kleenex holder had never been filled and today it was. That is an amazing coincidence or someone at MSC is reading this blog. If someone is reading the blog, I would like a Aperol Spritz delivered at 8am tomorrow, to take the edge off the early morning. (We have the Behind the Scenes tour in the morning at 8:30. So much for sleeping in on a sea day.)